the perfect man

With any luck, you'll be tall.
You'll laugh at my jokes.
You'll live to excess and outside your means.

You'll kick my tires because you care
but you'll let me fill them because I can.

You'll forget that sometimes I'm crazy
You'll remember that sometimes I'm amazing.

You'll be strong enough to take over when I'm weak
and man enough to let me be strong.

You'll find yourself in lyrics, but please don't write me poems
unless you really know what you're doing.
You'll maybe play an instrument, maybe. Hopefully.
Because that's hot.
And you'll sing at the top of your voice
anytime, anywhere.

You'll like the idea of separate vacations
but won't come up with a place you want to see without me.

You'll not be embarrassed

You'll travel much
and you won't bitch about long layovers
delays
cab fares
because it's all part of the story you're writing.

you'll see the forest and the trees
You'll seek and reward balance
You'll try anything once or twice

You'll have a tortured past that lives in your
-compassion for others
-deep understanding of the human condition
-need to be with another while desperately needing solitude
-ability to understand why I'm that way.

You'll be an excellent driver, and only from the driver's seat.

You'll have some ink
You'll see your affect on the world around you
and act accordingly.

You'll mean what you say
and not be confused when I think you meant what you said.

You don't have perfect vision - literally or figuratively
But you don't mind when people find out.

You want outta here
But that's just in your nature.

There's a song that fits every part of your day,
and you know all the words to each of them.

You'll still be taller than me when I wear heels -
but not necessarily physically.

You'll opt for coffee whenever there's a choice.
You're not so clever that I can't beat you in chess
once in a while.

You'll know I love my bad habits as much as I hate them
and you'll have some of your own
though all legal.

You don't wear polo shirts unless someone's paying you to do so.
They're really pretty ugly, you know.

You'll know how to text. email. configure your own wireless. find my website. install a printer. operate new software. download a torrent. comment on a blog.

You'll want to keep in touch with me. by text. email. instant message. even if we see each other every day. Because neither of us want to miss a thing.

You'll love experiencing life more than you love sleep, and you'll know where your priorities lie.

It's okay to get a little hungry sometimes - no one's gonna die if dinner's late.

This doesn't need to be said
but you'll have liberal beliefs
you'll not be war-like
and you don't own a gun.
There's no weapon in your car
and you never talk about how you would
physically harm another, even hypothetically.
You'll know why you don't go to church.
And you won't apologize for it.

You'll be a bit clumsy
But I'll find you debonair.
You won't refer to people by their physical attributes
until we both understand where we're coming from.

A beautiful woman is not necessarily higher on the food chain.

You'll have friends who are girls - please - but you don't have sex with them. If you did before, you don't now.
You understand that people who remain friendly after a break up... well, that's just a good damn sign.


(a work in progress - January 2008 - present)

stories afire

things are becoming and I
am a participant
I am an observer
I am the willing acceptor of a thousand stories you would tell

things are becoming
and I am here

I am the lost and found, the
famished
the starved and I am starving for your stories
and your soul, your wisdom, your
life and the energy that flows from you
all of you
I would like to drink this
I would.

the sparks that fly from your
fingertips.
set free to dance in the night
lit by your stories
kept afire by your heart
set to die by your loathing
I watch the fireflies as they dance your life in story
I watch and wait
for one to land on me.


march 2008, wilmington north carolina

damn

damn this body of mine
too big to be beautiful
too shapeless to be desired.

damn these uneven breasts
untouched, unheld, unwanted
they lie in cockeyed shame.

damn this giant face
so present everywhere I go
so unabashedly ugly.

damn these monstrous thighs and
the stretch marked belly
covered by loose, sagging skin.
damn these shapeless hips
and the place where a waist would be
if only i had a waist.
damn my toes, my callouses, my scars.
damn my eyes for being brown
my hair for being ornery
my ass for being flat
my head for what it does to me.
damn the mirror for feeding my insecurity.


january 2008, wilmington north carolina